Moving Forward...

You may have noticed that the title of this blog is no longer the Sugden Family... it is now the Sugden Kids.  And instead of Jeff, Melisa, Austin, Jackson and Madison... it is now just the kids... it is now all about the kids.

July 3rd, Jeff's routine call on his way home from work... was anything but routine.
This time he was calling to say he wasn't coming home.  That he would come by the next day for his clothes, he is moving out.  He wants a divorce.  He would like to divorce me before our 10 year anniversary in February to avoid paying alimony.

I never wanted a divorce, but then again... I don't want things to stay as they've been either. 
I would have liked to have done some counseling and maybe gotten out of debt first. 
If it had to end, I wanted to walk away feeling and knowing that we did all we could. 
We didn't....but it is what it is.

I suppose I've been in denial for a very long time. 
I suppose what I'm mourning and what I'm losing is the time, energy and love I invested over the last 12 years... having received nothing back.  He's always walled the kids and I out. 

No matter what it's just sad.  I feel as if someone died. 
I'm grieving the loss of my family. 
Even if it was just an ideal I created and sold. 
I bought my own lies.

I'm mourning the loss of what I thought I had, what I wanted it to be...
What I never gave up hope trying to create.

It's been a crazy rollercoaster ride of emotions. 
I've blamed him. 
I've blamed me. 
I've blamed others.
(repeat)

But at the end of the day,

I blame no one.

I think we were probably never meant to be. 

The amount of people that came forward in the beginning to protest the union for no good reason other than we just weren't right for each other. 
And the amount of people who have since come back into my life that needed to distance themselves because "I changed when I was with him and was no longer a happy person."

Shout out to my friends and family by the way, I could not be here right now... if it weren't for them and all of their help and support the last 5 weeks!

THANK YOU!!!  XOXOXO

Well it's all proof enough for me that sometimes things happen to us, but they also happen for us... depending on our perspective. 

So as humans, "we fall...we get back up, we fall, we get back up...we fall we get back up... and the sinners are just saints who fall and get back up!" ~Kyle Matthews

I'm just going to keep getting up... and trying my best every day!

I've learned a lot from this experience, hindsight is always 20/20... I've grown a lot and I have a lot further to go yet.  I'm in a new church group now that I'm really looking forward to!

I still struggle with anger, sadness, remorse, etc... but at the core... I will always care for Jeff, deeply... and wish him nothing but the best.  I hope he finds peace!

Now, it's just ALL about the kids! 
The single best thing that came from this failed marriage, the kids!

The kids are handling things okay.  The important thing is that they know we love them and it's not their fault. 
And I for one, will ALWAYS be here for them!!
I would hope Jeff will be too.  I guess we'll see...

SO, now that that's out of the way... let's move on to the kids, eh!?

YES!

We went back to Vegas in July as planned and visited with Papa and Grandma, Tony, Debra, Rachel and Griffin and of course... Grandma Cindy... who we kidnapped and brought back to Texas with us!
She stayed for a long time, helping me so much with the kids and hiring an attorney, getting to court etc... when I was too upset to think straight, Mom was there!  Thank God, and thank you Mom!
Angie has been an Angel through this whole thing too!  Helping me in so many ways!!

In other news this summer:

Austin and Jack BOTH learned how to swim with out floaties!!  YAY!!  This is a huge deal, they were so scared of the water at the start of summer!

Click on the video below to see AJ swim:

Click on the video below to see Jack swim:

Madison took a ballet class... she cried, first time being away from Mom... I got chocked up too.
But then she danced and had fun and all was good!

                                               

And we finally finished Maddie's beautiful new Princess room!  She loves it!!

 

                                      
We got another new dog!!!  I know... I know... what happened to Gracie? 
Well she was so sweet but huge and the kids were afraid of her, so we found her the perfect home! 

Then Jeff decided we needed ANOTHER dog... filling a void much!?
Too bad he wouldn't take her with him to his new apartment... but that's beside the point. 

Meet Brynlee... the Beagle. 
She's been with us about 7 weeks now... it's been a back and forth adventure, not sure I'm cut out to be a dog owner, especially while going through a divorce... but she stays... for now at least... we're taking it day by day.  She's cute, but she's a handful!

 

Last but not least, Austin turned 8!! 

 

Thanks to you all, who sent him cards/cash and gifts... you really helped make his day special!

 

Jeff and I were able to put our differences aside, as we hope to do going forward... and get along with and for the kids!  We shared Austin's Birthday together at Chuck E Cheese, and it went well!

AJ had a great Birthday!

This year, my head was in the clouds a bit and poor AJ was sad that he didn't get to wake up to decorations and balloons like Jack did!  I blew it!  But quickly recovered with a quick stop to Party City.  He got his balloon bouquet and we bought extra green number 8 balloons, since he's turning 8 and green is his favorite color. 
We all got in a circle, Dad included and took turns going around the circle telling AJ what we love most about him and what we wish for him in the coming year... then we let the balloons go! 

It was very touching, and saved the day... the Birthday Boy felt special...as he should!

 

Happy Birthday to AJ, video below:

 

 Next on the Agenda?
BACK TO SCHOOL! 

We are busy bees collecting supplies, gear, clothes, shoes, etc... preparing for the new year with AJ in 2nd Grade and Jack in 1st!  Yeehaw!